of the life i was supposed to live

gone are the days of truth
arrested thoughts succumbed
never will the sun melt
the moon witnessed the act

sin is not an option
control is overrated
moments will change
tomorrow is never today

yesterday i had a dream
the sky spoke to me
thunder and wind
deaf and mute and dumb

lost love and found you
time left before the show ended
welcome to my side of the planet
you can exit just leave the door open

transport for dying souls
interventions when required
handing over fate to others
then repeat to infinity

the crescent is missing my attendance
kiss the floor i am reminded
conversations of hope and ambition
hype and critical

hypocritical

lessons to be learnt by heart
mind you the body is willing
to give up any second now
but first, my soul needs to repent

of here and now

truth is i am living a lie

of inadequacy

time runs out of itself too quickly these days
moments like this should be remembered
the self criticism - the lack of action
life is not meant to be wasted away

destruction carried by waves
water, heat, seismic and sound
forever is drawing to an end
soon before long, tomorrow will be a memory.

i wonder always of my salvation
fear for the unknown leaves us vulnerable
the world is a worthy distraction
yet many if not most fail to function

purpose meets action when intention is pure
then fate defeats common sense
and coincidence opens the door to miracles
thought is not enough - the spirit longs something more...

of yesterday and yesterdays

i have a gathering of friends to attend but i guess i shall blog these thoughts before i leave the house.

yesterday, the Victoria School Concert Band batch of 2001 (VSCB '01) had our first gathering in eons. out of the 20, 11 present themselves. read that - 2001 - we survived Y2K, most of us had a nokia 3310 then, we saw the gruesome attacks of planes crashing into buildings, we had our conspiracy theories, we played our musical instruments like we were all going to be musicians one day - not realising that we are all already musicians.

everyone still look the same. smiles decorated the faces as one by one trickled to assigned spot of meet-up. once we reached critical mass, nasrin was the destination. and this band meeting had no agenda.

looking back yesterday, i missed the days of secondary school. much happened during those tumultuous years of adolescence. we spoke about friends who have passed on, those married and those achieving great heights.

those 9 years seem to have passed like seconds. felt like it was only yesterday that i jumped off the railings of the second corridor outside the band room. running to the fields for our traditional after-practice football game.

yet, reminiscing... i guessed many of us have grown much since those teenage adventures to the young men we are today. national service for most, globe-trotting for a good number, tertiary education for all but one...

i ended the evening taking the northbound train with jeremy nah. the bass clarinetist now dancer. we concluded that all of us grown. our perception of life has changed much. in that moment of conversation, i caught a glimpse of maturity,

i may not recall everything in the 24 years of my current life. that thought scared me somewhat. best i can do, is to make new memories that i will regret the rest of my life.

mint tea taste best with great company.

thank you farid, baorong, hanchuan, isa, wenchao, isaac, jeremy, jason, howboon, tianyi
{ and ashiq, firdaus, cherhao, zhihan, zhihong, steven, kienwee, zhaobin, shaun }

of eye

you touch these tired eyes of mine
and map my face out line by line
and somehow growing old feels fine
- the script


the messages in eye massages

of real(ising reality)

oh God, grant me company for that one who will make it real for me.
for the rest of our lives...

of breathe

yes .. this is one my fav songs ever
dont ask why

of whatever

i feel lost