of 2 weeks plus

the days are just weird.
like a fantastic sequence of haphazardly associative images

but i gotta run now.
gotta do my wee bit for the world.

"walking down this endless road and
never knowing where i was going
till now, when i first
saw your smile.

the nights been colder.
as i get older.
dont wanna be alone
with noone to hold on.

the days been longer.
strive to be stronger
to make ends meet
and stay up on my feet

yes i know, life is full
of uncertainties
shine your light of guidance; save me
from my miseries"

- unfinished -

of step 1

some things in life you just dont get over,
you just learn to bear with the pain..


spent the evening @ al-mawaddah: maghrib, yaasin, tahlil, -then dzul came along- isyak and nasi briyani (: solace? close.

then we zoomed off to the mac @ anchorvale sports ctr. cool place. would love to go swimming there someday. insya ALLAH.

got ourselves the new mac cinnamon melts and iced milo. and we started our scrabble duel! hahaha. dzul began his fascination with scrabble quite a while ago. q: hahaha. its ok. i lose 1-2. and thats also after we shifted location to rivervale plaza mac - anchorvale mac was too cold for dzul. no prob for me, i had my cool fourskin biker jacket on (:

the night continued with updates on our lives i.e. love interest(of the lack of) , emotional states, family, job and etc. i can really opened up to dzul though we seriously have nothing in common. two totally different people with different perspectives on life and how to live. but he is a cool guy to hang out with.

so the night ended with ice-cream from 7-eleven - always close, never closed : someone once told me - and us falling asleep under the void deck hahaha.

took the first bus home. did subuh. switched on comp only to realise that net's down.
the following are steps i took to identify the root cause of the problem.

1. called 1633 - operator assured the modem's ok. advised to isolate the connection i.e. direct from modem to comp and not thru router.

2. did as advised which meant i needed to shift my modem completely and pull the cable off as my comp was 5 m away from the modem and wireless router - attempt unsuccessful -

3. realise that comp unable to detect dns server- tried to refresh via network connections and ipconfig/registerdns a gazillion times attempt unsuccessful -

4. change modem - only because i have an old one, also from starhub - attempt unsuccessful -

5. called 1633 again - informed that "we have calls from yishun with the same issue. we have informed our technicians. you may leave your number and we will call you back once its back on."

6. net back (: in 1 hours time. alhamduliLLAH.

- and im still bearing with the pain -
and suddenly im missing snowflake and cheri

of happiness ii

i shall resign to the fact that i may never find
true happiness for myself
except by God's Grace.

you were clearly GodSent.
and the imperfections within me drove you away.

you managed to find happiness once again
while i am left with a broken heart

a blessing lost is a curse gained.

least i can do now, is try to make everyone else happy.
and try my best i will.

hope or no hope.
not the point anymore.

of happiness

There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.
George Sand

i have so much to be thankful for.
wonderful friends.
a job i dont dread.
a resilient family.
the opportunities to contribute back to society.

all these and more..

but i don't seem to be happy.
and i know why.

God, lift this burden off my heart.

anyway, George Sand is a pseudonym
the real person, Amandine Aurore Lucile Dupin
was French female novelist, the first major.

if only i knew French.

Je suis en manque de toi

of friends

"In a perfect friendship ... Appreciative love is, I think, often so great and so firmly based that each member of the circle feels, in his secret heart, humbled before all the rest. Sometimes he wonders what he is doing there among his betters. He is lucky beyond desert to be in such company. Especially when the whole group is together, each bringing out all that is best, wisest or funniest in all the others."


i don't usually find myself comfortable or fitting in a clique of friends. rather have 1-on-1 friendships. but the people i hung out with last night were exceptional.

thank God for them (:

of conv #2

the boy woke up, rubbed his eyes then ran out.. "oh blue sky, i had a bad bad dream last night. "

then in a moment of awe and inspiration, the boy looked up to the blue sky, smiled and said 'thank you'.

the boy knows its going to be dark soon. he takes a deep breath, looks up to the sky and say ' i have to learn to let go '

as he was walking home, the boy was reminded of his loss. he looked up only to see the moon smiling back at him. he prays that he will see the blue sky tomorrow.

of conv #1

so he spoke to the sky, why are you so blue? and it replied '..........' skies dont talk back, he learnt today.


so he continues his conversation, "so where do all the sparkling dots go? i never did finish joining the dots the night before. now i have to start all over again tonight."

of letting go and moving on

its been more than 2 months.
she's happy with him.

i should let go.
i should move on.

he's everything she seeks in a guy i suppose.
everything i wasn't when i was with her.

doesn't matter that i'm better now.
she doesn't love me anymore.

friends keep telling me to stop hoping.
maybe i will.

whatever may lies ahead for me...
i pray that i will never lose hope
in God's Great Plan for me...

* takes a deep deep breath
faith in fate.